Have you ever had people you thought were your friends treat you like you don’t exist?

How transparent; true colors show through. 

Hungry.

My tummy is rumbling for something fulfilling in life. I don’t mean to say that I’m unsatisfied with what I am blessed to have: my education, my family, my friends, a warm home, my good health. Rather, I’m hungry for what makes me WANT to live and not NEED to live. 

Once upon a time, at a time not too long ago, I successfully convinced myself that I was happy. Little did I know, I was secretly growing hungrier and hungrier, less and less content with who I was. Many things led me to now believe that I am discontent with who I am, what I do, and the way I think, not in the “I hate myself” kind of way, but hopefully more of the “how do I stop being what I don’t want to be and become the person I do want to be”. That then led me to believe that I am not good at doing anything, let alone at being me.

I never stuck with anything much because I’ve never reached a level where I saw myself being good at anything. I’m not even decent. Mediocre at best. Swimming, piano, violin, guitar, lion dance, popping, baking, singing, sketching, tae kwon do, photography. I dabbled in all these things that I enjoy(ed) but I never really saw achievement. I never had positive reinforcement or encouragement. I never found fulfillment in these things. I have yet to find what satisfies that hunger so that I can pursue it and excel. 

I need to find two things. 1) the thing that makes me want to try harder, to practice, to excel in, and to pour my passion and effort into, and 2) the drive that will allow me to be a better person, my ideal me, every single day for the rest of my life.

Photos.

I forget a lot of things, hence I constantly desire to take photos or else risk losing my memories to time. Now and then, I live vicariously through old photos for a few moments, because they tend to be taken during special and joyous occasions. They can tell me stories that want to be remembered without the use of words.

Nowadays, it seems as if my life flies by unceremoniously without images and words to remember them by. I am drowning in an opaque sea of mundaneness.

Pictures help me to remember things, while the lack of them helps me to forget them just as easily.

Multiple choice

It is better to…

A) Thirst for more than is given in life. Be zealous, be bold, seek more. 

B) Accept and appreciate what is given in life. Be thankful, be humble, seek less. 

C) All of the above. If so, how?

I had hoped that during this summer, I’d have much coveted time on my hands to level up in popping. So far, I haven’t had too much opportunity outside of session to practice on my own, which has become somewhat of an undesirable activity. The positivism I once had for dance has unfortunately declined due to a few things. This will lead me to some future blog manifestation as to the importance of mentality.

I’m changing things. 

I’ve never seen popping choreo quite at this caliber before, and I must say, it’s quite amazing. 

Celebrating 20,000 notes! That’s my puppy, Eevee!

(via forsurely)

Spontaneity

Started on May 26, 2012. 

I’ve got a little down time a la the wonderful no-classes-on-MWF spring schedule I have. I’ve just finished a round of midterms, and all I want to do is be exemplary vegetable on the couch. Well. I’m here watering the dry patch my dearth of blogging has left behind. Little life updates will help future reminiscing old lady me remember what it was past me was up to anyways.

Of all of the irresistible things that existed on this planet in the space and time that was last Saturday, the only thing on my mind was a puppy. Fluffy, snuggly, the perfect study break. On a dual whim and with thanks to craigslist, EK and I were on our way to see a baby Corgi within the hour. Within the first five minutes, cuteness had befallen us and we were under her spell. The 4 week old could only be described as every girls’ (and guys’, for that matter) puppy dream come true. She was ours within the half hour. Spontaneous? Most definitely so. What followed was mostly excitement and disbelief. We bought a sock monkey and some food for her while everyone ooh’ed and ahh’d at her. We brought her to the performance with us in Sacramento too. She fit in a shopping basket, that sleepy little munchkin.

Fast forward to Monday, May the 21st. How in the world I ended up going to the Korean Wave concert despite having a midterm the next day, I don’t know. But I did. And it was certainly a first experience not to forget.

Double fast forward to June 6. Somehow, more concert tickets were procured as if from thin air. I went to the LMFAO concert, with Far East Movement and some other peeps I was too late to see. First time going backstage. I got to meet some of Quest Crew and see the dancers prepping. It reminds me of what I used to do, except to a lesser scale and sans alcohol. Again, it had to be the day before a midterm, but all went well both times. 

You can tell I am currently too lazy to finish off this post well. When my brain cells decide to function optimally again, I’ll write something more worth reading. This’ll do for now. 

Finished June 13, 2012. 

Academy of Villains at Body Rock 2012. 

A reminder to strive for more, in choreo terms. I see irony all over this piece, and I’m sure Popping Club does too. 

"Wildfire" feat Yugimi Nakano. 

Been listening to a bit of interesting stuff from SBTRKT after watching choreo to this song. Electronic, pseudo house, chill music.